Inner demons

I prayed and I prayed
for salvation from my past,
for the release from my soul,
of all things that no longer served me.

All the fears, the insecurities,
the sorrow, the guilt,
of past relationships,
to finally and eternally be set free.

And in a vision, my prayers were answered.
The awesome explosion of bright light,
From the evils of my self.
Freeing the inner demons of yesteryear.

And I knew then,
that nothing exists but love.

It's been a while...

One of my students commented this morning how I haven't blogged since 2010...so yes...it's been a while!!! So this one's for Angel...who is probably the only one reading my blog nowadays...:-)

So...why the silence?? Had the novelty just worn off?? Maybe I've just been lazy...or maybe life back in Sydney is nothing near as exciting as it was in Switzerland!! Funnily enough I had many more dramas going on in my life whilst I was abroad than I do now. And the dramas concerned my relationships with people back here!! So perhaps...I just feel kinda settled now...content even :-)

What is life without drama, you may ask!! Well, it's pretty boring!! hahah...No...but seriously, ever since I came back from Swiss, up until the end of last year, I felt as though I had to hibernate from the world for a little. Heck, I haven't even left the country in that time!!!

Spent some time doing Celta, then found my dream job teaching English to adults...and just when I felt like I really missed sitting in front of a computer, as opposed to standing up and delivering my lessons, my beloved school crashed down to Earth, and we all suddenly found ourselves buried in some nasty shit!!! Anyway, as I have read...and also truly believe..."all thought is creative"...hence the situation I found myself in at the end of January 2009, was one which I had manifested in some warped way!! It's kinda funny...as it was probably a collective consciousness which created this collapse, as well as pure greed perhaps from the entrepreneur's end. I remember just a whole bunch of teachers whining all day long about the working conditions and the 'crappy' pay. All this bitching and moaning about management and rah rah rah...

Anyway...perhaps we all got what we deserved...perhaps for many of us, it was a second chance...a lifeline to do what a lot of us had been putting off for so long, but kept using our teaching jobs as an excuse. For me, I needed a dose of sitting in front of a computer and working in a 9-5 job...and that I got...for a whole nine months!!!

I absolutely loved the time I did temp work at OTEN. My colleagues were all quirky in their own little ways and I had a great time dealing with students and teaching staff. Work was a breeze and it was fun most of the time. But then all that time squinting, trying to read enrolment information didn't do my eyes any favours...plus at around the same time, certain colleagues started to turn a bit nasty - my guess is mostly from familial factors! Anyway, when I stopped enjoying my time there, I made the decision to leave at the end of the year....life goes on at OTEN :-)

So this year...this year has been GREAT!!! :-) As mentioned earlier, at this point in my life...I feel quite content :-) But I do miss studying!!! After two years of part-time post-grad study, I decided to take a break this year...but am raring to go again soon!!! I just needed the break.

I was extremely fortunate to have some great contacts at two English language schools in Sydney and more or less found some teaching work in the new year. Unfortunately the first school I taught at this year weren't able to offer me many classes after January, but fortunately another school was able to give me something...and I am still there!!! :-) Life at EF has been great!!! :-) When I got back into teaching this year, I wondered why I had ever left!!! But I knew that I needed that break to realise that teaching really is my passion!!!

I love the laughs, the fun, the competitiveness of my students, but most of all, I love how much they gain in terms of friendships, learning and life experience by being here in Sydney. I still have so much to learn - from my colleagues, from my students. It never ends! :-) And it's just wonderful :-)

It still lingers...

I had this very good friend when I was in Switzerland.
We would talk often - maybe at least every second day.
We would laugh a lot and it was happy days.
Sometimes we would get up to no good.
But it was all in the name of fun :-)

But when I came home,
it was like...
I had left our friendship behind.
It was like...
I had abandoned my best friend.
It was like...
it had existed in another time, another place, another life.
Yet the physical distance between us had lessened.

Something which was built upon
years and years of friendship,
Felt as if it had disappeared overnight.
Just like that. Gone.

Yet from time to time,
it still lingers.

Who Am I?

Standing alone. Stripped. Naked. Bare.
Of everything you've ever known,
of what you believed made you you.

There is a vastness, a void
that threatens to consume your being.
The world around you spins and spins
as the sounds inside your head
get louder and louder.

The world suddenly stops spinning,
and you erupt from deep within.
Your sorrow, your pain,
laid bare for all the world to see.

You fall to your knees,
sobbing like a lost child of god.
And you cry out to the heavens
Who Am I?