Lost

Imagine not knowing,
Not knowing who you really are
Not knowing your place in the world.

Imagine wondering,
Always wondering about your purpose
Always wondering if things could be different.

Imagine feeling helpless,
So helpless you can't even help yourself.
So helpless that nobody knows your struggles.
Nobody understands.
For you don't even understand yourself.

Each day passes by and you just carry on.
Each day passes by and you grow forever weary.
This fight against yourself -
What is it all for?

You try so hard,
So, so hard
To please everyone around you.
You think that by pleasing them,
your job is done.
But it's never-ending...

Dear Child of God,
Why do you struggle so?
Is this lifetime destined to be so?
Surrounded by love,
You cannot feel,
For you were never shown.

Dear Child of God,
I can only pray and open my heart to you.
That is all I can do.
I love you.

Gone

I can't believe you're gone.
I never really knew you.
Never really knew you at all.
But you left an imprint.

I can't say we were friends.
I can't say I wish I had known you better.
I can't say I wish I had the chance to share more memories with you.
I can't say how much your passing has really affected me.

I can say that you were goofy.
I can say that you were fun.
I can say that we shared something, even if just for a few passing moments.
I can say that I will remember you, even in my old age.

Tomorrow I will say goodbye.
But you will cross my mind from time to time,
Long after tomorrow's sun has set.

So thank you for allowing our paths to cross in this lifetime.
Thank you for being a reason.
It couldn't have happened any other way.

I love you in a way only a soul would understand.

God bless you.

Shattered

You shattered me with one question.
The words like a brick in the face.
I crumbled inside
Yet my exterior held strong.

My soul, searching for answers.
My ego, grasping desperately at straws.
My mind ticking over,
Mindless words spewing forth.

What had been built up,
Falling so easily like a house of cards.
Where did it all unfold?

I felt ashamed.
Caught out yet again.
When will I ever learn?

The Dragon's Lair

Like a dragon she sweeps into the room,

Banging doors, making noise, 

alerting all within earshot of her presence.

Her presence, like that of a storm.

Not just a passing storm, perhaps more like a hurricane.

The energy you can feel,

Right to the bone, right to your core.

Sending shivers down your spine.

Freezing you to the core.

Anticipating what is to come,

Will you wear her wrath?

Or will you come out unscathed?

Welcome to the Dragon’s lair!

Again

Falling.
Picking yourself up again.
Knowing.
Learning to love again.
Living.
Finding yourself again.
Loving.
Again.

Jealousy

Jealousy rages like a roaring fire.
Destroying everything in its path.
But what of jealousy contained?
Bubbling and boiling, internalized.

Can the raging fire within be extinguished?
Or do the embers still burn long after?

Jealousy. Defensiveness. Rejection.
Until we meet again.

A battlefield

Love is like a battlefield

Where bleeding hearts are shed

Where camouflage hides the truth

Where lovers, like enemies, fight to their death.

Hearts, like raw wounds, exposed.

Beating, bleeding, aching…dying.

Forever

Forever is a long time.

I remember the hours we would spend together.

I remember the pointless things we used to do.

But it didn't matter because our friendship was forever.

Then I left for a while.

I thought our friendship could last the distance.

I thought it could last the time.

I thought we would be friends forever.

But alas!

Life has other plans.

Life pulls us into different directions.

Love has the last laugh.

And there you go

Walking down that aisle

Meeting your beautiful bride at the end.

Best friends forever.

Silence

In silence

Thoughts become so loud

Screaming for recognition

Screaming for acknowledgement

The eyes blink

and blink again

They close for a moment

For relief

For peace

These thoughts running through my head

of tomorrow

of February

of next year.

I find myself

not here and now

but in some faraway place.

Maybe I can't stand to be alone.

To be left alone with just me.

Maybe I'm not comfortable

facing the world with just me again.

But here I am.

Thanks

My job here is done.
And perhaps so is yours.
Remember the fun we had.
Remember how we laughed.
Remember this time in your life.

The world is vast yet small.
Many places yet to be discovered.
Many places yet to be explored.

Thanks for being there.
Thanks for lending an ear.
Thanks for the laughs.
Thank you for caring.
You have been my sanity in this crazy world.
You have been my escape.

Go on your way.
Travel well my dear friend.
May you discover
Peace, Love and Joy.

Timing

Here I go again.

The heart knows no other way.
To love, to hold.
To let go.

To hope and trust.
To believe,
that one day,
the timing will be right.

Acceptance

22nd November 2011

Acceptance,
that you're going.
Acceptance,
that you are you
and I am me.
Acceptance,
of all the things
I thought not of.

From acceptance,
a calmness.
Peace.
Love.

Defence

18th November 2011

Ask once, twice.
But not three times.
No confirmation?
"No" is the assumption.

Barriers are up.
Guards are up.
Once again.

Don't want anything to do with you.
Hate that you're leaving.
Hate to say goodbye.
Hate that you're just a season,
and not a lifetime.

Sadness from within.
Time is running out.

Another time.
Another place.
Another lifetime.

The Heart

What I crave, you'll never know.
What I long for, you'll never know.

A moment.
A minute.
A second.

Just a time
when time can stand still
and nothing else matters.

Love. Joy. Pain.
The heart knows nothing else.

Heartless?

The sadness in her eyes,
from some deep-seated memory
from an exhausted life on the streets.
"I just need to rest" she sighs,
But her request falls on deaf ears.

A tear trickles down her cheek.
No one can understand her pain,
of having lost and lost
time and time again.

People walking by stare at her in disgust.
Their noses scrunch up at the stench.
No one understands.
No one offers a thing.

In her lonely world on a hot day
All she wants is to rest.
All she wants is a minute of normality.
A minute of sanity.

But this peace people cannot afford her,
"She is homeless."
"She is not one of us."
"She can't sit here."

She is just helpless.
Are we just heartless?

Enjoy the ride!

Let's do it.
Let's have fun together while we can.
Open your heart and I'll open mine.
Close yours and I'll open mine.
I could give nothing and lose everything.
I could give everything and lose nothing.
Join me on this adventure,
of the intellect,
of the heart, the soul.
For however long it may last,
Let's just enjoy the ride!

Living, Breathing, Being

There is nothing but love and light.
There is nothing but to be
in every moment,
in every breath that we take.

Sit still, sit silently
and let the world just be.
Let the world happen,
before our eyes
and just...observe.

We are but a blade of grass,
We are but pollen from a flower.
We are but a grain of sand
in this magnificent godly world.

Time does not exist,
yet only in the minds of men.

Nothing exists but love.
And from love - light, hope, joy, passion, humility.
Living, breathing, being.

Inner demons

I prayed and I prayed
for salvation from my past,
for the release from my soul,
of all things that no longer served me.

All the fears, the insecurities,
the sorrow, the guilt,
of past relationships,
to finally and eternally be set free.

And in a vision, my prayers were answered.
The awesome explosion of bright light,
From the evils of my self.
Freeing the inner demons of yesteryear.

And I knew then,
that nothing exists but love.

It still lingers...

I had this very good friend when I was in Switzerland.
We would talk often - maybe at least every second day.
We would laugh a lot and it was happy days.
Sometimes we would get up to no good.
But it was all in the name of fun :-)

But when I came home,
it was like...
I had left our friendship behind.
It was like...
I had abandoned my best friend.
It was like...
it had existed in another time, another place, another life.
Yet the physical distance between us had lessened.

Something which was built upon
years and years of friendship,
Felt as if it had disappeared overnight.
Just like that. Gone.

Yet from time to time,
it still lingers.

Who Am I?

Standing alone. Stripped. Naked. Bare.
Of everything you've ever known,
of what you believed made you you.

There is a vastness, a void
that threatens to consume your being.
The world around you spins and spins
as the sounds inside your head
get louder and louder.

The world suddenly stops spinning,
and you erupt from deep within.
Your sorrow, your pain,
laid bare for all the world to see.

You fall to your knees,
sobbing like a lost child of god.
And you cry out to the heavens
Who Am I?