"When you're in a relationship, and things are falling apart, you wonder at what point this started to happen? Surely it wasn't always like this. It's kinda strange right now...but I guess maybe it's always happening this way...I know of three weddings this month, and I also know of three relationships which are on the rocks this month. Is it something about this time of the year or maybe this is something that happends all the time, 365 days in the year?
At what point do you stop loving someone? Or at what point does one realize that the constant fighting is doing neither party any good? At what point do you stop and think to yourself, am I happy in this relationship? At what point did communication break down? When all is said and done, is there anything more to say and do? Or do we just look at each other like we are strangers and have nothing to say anymore?
It’s all so confusing. The constant battles with each other, with ourselves. The constant questioning of self-worth, of trust, of time wasted, of love – was it for real? The feeling of numbness, to our thoughts, to ourselves, to the world around us, drowned out with some alcohol or the confines of our own emotions.
Will it be the end of something that was just never meant to be? Or will it be the start of something greater and grander than before? I guess in a lot of ways, when relationships break down, it is our ego which is bruised the most. The reality is that we have loved and we have embraced the best qualities of the other person. The illusion is the perceptions which we have of them, how we expect them to be, and so our egos clash and that’s when it kinda turns bad.
Sometimes I think we expect too much…of ourselves, of the other person, of how we are meant to feel or act, of how we think we should be. Sometimes we just have to throw expectations out the window and just live and just love and just accept people for who they are. Sometimes we just have to take risks. Sometime we have to take life by its balls and squeeze everything we can out of it, because if we don’t then our lives can become meaningless.
I heard this quote once which said “A life lived in fear is a life half lived.” So what’s fear then? I think that fear is never knowing what you want in life. I think fear is not daring to go beyond your own boundaries, your comfort zone. I think fear is not having the guts to take control of your own life and steer it in the direction that you want. When it comes to the crunch, really it’s all a matter of personal choice. We have all feared something in our lives, and I’m sure we still do, and still will till our dying day. But this fear needn’t be so lonely. There is no need to feel like we are in a black hole. If we surround ourselves with our family, our friends, the people that truly love and care about us, we can be assured that they will never let us fall. The constant love and support which you get from these people is truly divine.
I believe in unconditional love. I believe that love should be enough. But in this lifetime, I have questioned my beliefs time and again, and I am still learning."
It's been almost 15 months since I wrote what I did above. I still believe in unconditional love. I don't know anymore if I believe that love should be enough. I would really like to believe it again.
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