Silence

In silence

Thoughts become so loud

Screaming for recognition

Screaming for acknowledgement

The eyes blink

and blink again

They close for a moment

For relief

For peace

These thoughts running through my head

of tomorrow

of February

of next year.

I find myself

not here and now

but in some faraway place.

Maybe I can't stand to be alone.

To be left alone with just me.

Maybe I'm not comfortable

facing the world with just me again.

But here I am.

Thanks

My job here is done.
And perhaps so is yours.
Remember the fun we had.
Remember how we laughed.
Remember this time in your life.

The world is vast yet small.
Many places yet to be discovered.
Many places yet to be explored.

Thanks for being there.
Thanks for lending an ear.
Thanks for the laughs.
Thank you for caring.
You have been my sanity in this crazy world.
You have been my escape.

Go on your way.
Travel well my dear friend.
May you discover
Peace, Love and Joy.

Timing

Here I go again.

The heart knows no other way.
To love, to hold.
To let go.

To hope and trust.
To believe,
that one day,
the timing will be right.

Acceptance

22nd November 2011

Acceptance,
that you're going.
Acceptance,
that you are you
and I am me.
Acceptance,
of all the things
I thought not of.

From acceptance,
a calmness.
Peace.
Love.

Defence

18th November 2011

Ask once, twice.
But not three times.
No confirmation?
"No" is the assumption.

Barriers are up.
Guards are up.
Once again.

Don't want anything to do with you.
Hate that you're leaving.
Hate to say goodbye.
Hate that you're just a season,
and not a lifetime.

Sadness from within.
Time is running out.

Another time.
Another place.
Another lifetime.

The Heart

What I crave, you'll never know.
What I long for, you'll never know.

A moment.
A minute.
A second.

Just a time
when time can stand still
and nothing else matters.

Love. Joy. Pain.
The heart knows nothing else.

Heartless?

The sadness in her eyes,
from some deep-seated memory
from an exhausted life on the streets.
"I just need to rest" she sighs,
But her request falls on deaf ears.

A tear trickles down her cheek.
No one can understand her pain,
of having lost and lost
time and time again.

People walking by stare at her in disgust.
Their noses scrunch up at the stench.
No one understands.
No one offers a thing.

In her lonely world on a hot day
All she wants is to rest.
All she wants is a minute of normality.
A minute of sanity.

But this peace people cannot afford her,
"She is homeless."
"She is not one of us."
"She can't sit here."

She is just helpless.
Are we just heartless?

Enjoy the ride!

Let's do it.
Let's have fun together while we can.
Open your heart and I'll open mine.
Close yours and I'll open mine.
I could give nothing and lose everything.
I could give everything and lose nothing.
Join me on this adventure,
of the intellect,
of the heart, the soul.
For however long it may last,
Let's just enjoy the ride!

Living, Breathing, Being

There is nothing but love and light.
There is nothing but to be
in every moment,
in every breath that we take.

Sit still, sit silently
and let the world just be.
Let the world happen,
before our eyes
and just...observe.

We are but a blade of grass,
We are but pollen from a flower.
We are but a grain of sand
in this magnificent godly world.

Time does not exist,
yet only in the minds of men.

Nothing exists but love.
And from love - light, hope, joy, passion, humility.
Living, breathing, being.

Inner demons

I prayed and I prayed
for salvation from my past,
for the release from my soul,
of all things that no longer served me.

All the fears, the insecurities,
the sorrow, the guilt,
of past relationships,
to finally and eternally be set free.

And in a vision, my prayers were answered.
The awesome explosion of bright light,
From the evils of my self.
Freeing the inner demons of yesteryear.

And I knew then,
that nothing exists but love.

It's been a while...

One of my students commented this morning how I haven't blogged since 2010...so yes...it's been a while!!! So this one's for Angel...who is probably the only one reading my blog nowadays...:-)

So...why the silence?? Had the novelty just worn off?? Maybe I've just been lazy...or maybe life back in Sydney is nothing near as exciting as it was in Switzerland!! Funnily enough I had many more dramas going on in my life whilst I was abroad than I do now. And the dramas concerned my relationships with people back here!! So perhaps...I just feel kinda settled now...content even :-)

What is life without drama, you may ask!! Well, it's pretty boring!! hahah...No...but seriously, ever since I came back from Swiss, up until the end of last year, I felt as though I had to hibernate from the world for a little. Heck, I haven't even left the country in that time!!!

Spent some time doing Celta, then found my dream job teaching English to adults...and just when I felt like I really missed sitting in front of a computer, as opposed to standing up and delivering my lessons, my beloved school crashed down to Earth, and we all suddenly found ourselves buried in some nasty shit!!! Anyway, as I have read...and also truly believe..."all thought is creative"...hence the situation I found myself in at the end of January 2009, was one which I had manifested in some warped way!! It's kinda funny...as it was probably a collective consciousness which created this collapse, as well as pure greed perhaps from the entrepreneur's end. I remember just a whole bunch of teachers whining all day long about the working conditions and the 'crappy' pay. All this bitching and moaning about management and rah rah rah...

Anyway...perhaps we all got what we deserved...perhaps for many of us, it was a second chance...a lifeline to do what a lot of us had been putting off for so long, but kept using our teaching jobs as an excuse. For me, I needed a dose of sitting in front of a computer and working in a 9-5 job...and that I got...for a whole nine months!!!

I absolutely loved the time I did temp work at OTEN. My colleagues were all quirky in their own little ways and I had a great time dealing with students and teaching staff. Work was a breeze and it was fun most of the time. But then all that time squinting, trying to read enrolment information didn't do my eyes any favours...plus at around the same time, certain colleagues started to turn a bit nasty - my guess is mostly from familial factors! Anyway, when I stopped enjoying my time there, I made the decision to leave at the end of the year....life goes on at OTEN :-)

So this year...this year has been GREAT!!! :-) As mentioned earlier, at this point in my life...I feel quite content :-) But I do miss studying!!! After two years of part-time post-grad study, I decided to take a break this year...but am raring to go again soon!!! I just needed the break.

I was extremely fortunate to have some great contacts at two English language schools in Sydney and more or less found some teaching work in the new year. Unfortunately the first school I taught at this year weren't able to offer me many classes after January, but fortunately another school was able to give me something...and I am still there!!! :-) Life at EF has been great!!! :-) When I got back into teaching this year, I wondered why I had ever left!!! But I knew that I needed that break to realise that teaching really is my passion!!!

I love the laughs, the fun, the competitiveness of my students, but most of all, I love how much they gain in terms of friendships, learning and life experience by being here in Sydney. I still have so much to learn - from my colleagues, from my students. It never ends! :-) And it's just wonderful :-)