Less is More

My room is a mess and I'm trying to tackle the mountain of big and little things which I have collected over the years. Over the past year I have come to realise that really, we do not need all that much to survive...so now I am sifting through all this crap which I have hoarded in the past and I wish that I would have come to this realisation earlier...like maybe 10 years earlier in the least!!!

Textbooks...from high school, from university...which are now useless! Why the hell did I keep them all??? And now I have trouble donating them even! The only place for them now is the recycling bin!

Plastic bags!!! Like 3 bags full of them!!! What the??? Luckily I can now drop them off at my local Woolies for recycling also!!! That's comforting in a way. I cringe now whenever I buy groceries and they put my stuff in plastic bags (I did take my stuff out and repack into my own material bag afterwards!)...or when my mum comes home with groceries and more plastic bags...

My clothes...well, I must say they were the easiest to sort through and dispose of...all going to the Salvos! But it's the little things in my room which are taking me forever to go through!!! Keyrings, pins, badges, watches, cassette tapes, foreign currency, small ornaments...all which have a considerable layer of dust on them...I should just close my eyes and throw everything out...

So anyway, I better get back to it...I have about 25 years worth of trinkets and treasures to sort through. And yeh I know I am 29 but I'm sure I wouldn't have collected anything in my first 4 years of life :-)

My valuable lesson...donate your stuff...or sell your things while it still has some value...you certainly won't miss it!!!

Past Life Regression

The following are notes from a Past Life Regression session which I did one evening at SS's place - we did this exercise listening to a cd - and this is what came of it...

26th September 2002

"Floating down I could see myself bare-footed. I was wearing a wedding gown. And I floated down and down and the setting was a farm somewhere in the US. The skies were blue and there were clouds in the sky. The weather was warm. I lived with my father - there was no presence of my mother - maybe she had died giving birth to me. The era was the 1950's and the word 'Worthington' flashed infront of me.

I think my name was Jessie - probably short for Jessica. I helped my father out a lot to run the farm and on weekends we would go to the markets and trade our stock for other things.

My heart was heavy as my lover had gone off to war and had not returned. There was a sense of not knowing yet knowing at the same time that he would never return. There was no news that he had died - so there was always that hope. But deep down inside I knew.

We were to be married, but I could not see the future. And so I lived my life with that spark in my heart - hoping that one day it would be reignited. And I saw my grandmother from my current lifetime - she was my lover's mother in that lifetime. She saw me and I felt that we were very close. She urged me - with all the love that she had - to let go, to move on...and I cried - we cried in each others' arms. One shedding tears for a lost son, one shedding tears for a dream that could not be realised - both shedding tears for a loved one who would never return physically.

And so day in day out, my life was lived with hope - but as each day drew to a close the hope died a little more.

I could not picture my death very well - I could see though that I died fairly young, and of a broken heart. No medical cause could be found for my death so they put it down to natural causes. And I believe my lesson was to let go..."

I found the above extract in the pages of one of my journals the other night. I read it and it made me cry. It resonated with me quite deeply. It helped me to understand to a certain degree my relationship with X. For some reason - of which I do not quite know myself - I had been hanging on for quite some time. There was always this flame of hope in my heart and it was only extinguished when I knew for certain that he would not be mine because he was somebody else's.

At least in this lifetime, I can look beyond. I have let go. So at least I won't die of a broken heart :-)

Dangels

It's pronounced as 'Angels' with a D in front :-) It does not rhyme with 'bangles' :-)

My rugby team. My social life in Swiss. My great friends.

I never would have imagined coming to Switzerland and playing in a rugby team. But being part of the Rugby Club Luzern, and especially playing with the Dangels has been the highlight of my time in Switzerland.

In ways it reminded me of my dragon-boating days in CYL...the same yet totally different. The same as in the feeling of being part of a great team and having lots of fun drinking...and drinking...and playing drinking games...and the occasional stripping...and the road/train trips...but most of all...coming away from it with a great bunch of friends...

I cried. Cried about the thought of how much I will miss everybody here. The first time I cried about this was after numerous drinks after my last game and my Coach saying to me...'Once a Dangel, always a Dangel.'...which just tipped the emotional scale and tears started coming down my face which I couldn't stop. Then I proceeded hugging everyone saying...'I can't believe I'm crying! It's the alcohol!!!' :-) The tears just wouldn't stop.

I cried again last night. At the Roadhouse saying goodbye to Lollipop and Esti. I thought I would be able to hold back, but I felt the bubble burst and the tears came again...Again I had had numerous drinks :-)

They gave me a gift...a gift which is priceless. It was a photobook with pictures from my time with the team...shots from the games and also from the after-parties :-) Needless to say, almost every shot I was a bit tipsy...along with the rest of the team...including our Trainers :-) They all wrote messages in there for me...I didn't know what to say...except that I really loved the gift...and I will treasure it...

So thank you to my dear fellow Dangels!!! I love you all!!!

This is not Goodbye, but 'See you later!' :-)

Your Jackie Chan :-)

Swiss Angel

Call upon me
Not only in times of despair
But also in joy.

I am omnipotent.
I am here. I am there.
I am in the mountains,
I am in the lakes.

I walk beside you.
I carry you.

I embrace you
With all my love
With all my light.

I bring you peace.

Amethyst

I am not just a stone.
I am a gem.
I am not only of the earth
But of the heavens
And the whole cosmos.

My brothers and my sisters,
Many lie unearthed, undiscovered
Holding the earth's healing energies within us

We emanate light.
Light which is pure love.
Magnificent, brilliant
Awaiting your recognition.

We are contained within the universe
And the universe contained within us.

Mountain Maple

I am the Mountain Maple.
I stand here before you with grandeur.
I existed before time
Before the first thought.

Stand in my glory.
Draw near to me.
Bathe in my light.
Feel my healing energies.

I cradle you in my strong arms.
Rocking you to sleep.
And as you drift,
My leaves, ever so gently
Brush against your cheek
Sending you into a dream...
Where I am you
And you are me
And we are one.

I Am My Sister

6th October 2007

I am my sister.
We are one and the same.
In the grand scheme of things
We are all one.

For a moment
I had floated.
For a moment
I saw that I was bigger than myself.
That I was her
and she were me.

Ramblings & Ruggers

Sometimes my thoughts float to how things will be when I go home to Sydney. I know things will be different because I have changed in many ways. All my married girlfriends have their own agendas; one of my girlfriends will more than likely move to the Gong and another will most likely not be in Sydney when I return. So I think...will I make new friends? Will it be more about time with my family? And how much of that will I be able to tolerate...?? I think that it will be a time for me to discover more about myself in the place I escaped from for a little while - with no attachments, no commitments and a brand new slate. The only commitment I have to make is to myself and to live my life fully.

A few weeks ago lots of thoughts were floating around in my head. And for the first time in the 2.5 years that I have been away from Sydney, I actually didn't feel like going home. Some say that 2 years is the magic number to settle into a place...

It was a rather strange feeling for me. I felt very settled indeed with my life here. Aside from my job, I was very happy with everything else. My friends, where I live, my bestest flatmate in the whole wide universe :-) And just the easy-going lifestyle :-) I found myself very confused and not knowing what I should do. Lots of thoughts were floating around in my head..."Should I stay in Sydney? Well, I have to go home for Christmas! Maybe I can find a job here in Europe! I can get my CELTA and teach anywhere pretty much! Should I leave my things? Should I pack everything up? Should I close my bank account? Will I come back here? Maybe I will go and work in Dubai?! Or Vienna perhaps?! What is back in Sydney for me besides my family? My friends. Yeh. But everyone is doing their own things...I feel so removed from everything in ways. Things will be the same yet different...I don't know!!! What to do?! What to do?! God please help me!!!"

I woke up the next morning and I felt very calm. My first thought was..."Yes, I must go back to Sydney and then take things one step at a time. Time. There is plenty of it." And then I knew that I would be okay and that I needn't worry about things that have not happened yet :-)

~~~~~~~~~~
Some days I feel quite removed from my wonderful Findhorn experience. It's been 5 weeks since that time. It almost feels like it was just a dream...so long ago...But at least I will see my friend Hugo in 2 weeks, so that should lift my spirits once again into the clouds :-) We will be attending this workshop by one of the founding members of Findhorn (Dorothy Maclean), which will be here in Switzerland!! The workshop is called Connecting with God and Nature. So I think perhaps it is something which I will need...and the timing is perfect...just to remind me again of how much in alignment with God I can be :-)

~~~~~~~~~~
The previous weekend I was in Cardiff with Petra and Christa. It was such a bloody awesome weekend!! In ways I wish I had written a blog about it as soon as I got home as I was still whirling from the magic that was being in Cardiff during the Rugby World Cup!!! Most of it has rubbed off now, so it'll probably be a boring account from me!!! Sorry!!! :-)

Yeh so being in Cardiff during the Rugby World Cup was just the best!!! It's one thing to watch the RWC when it is playing in your home town, but it really is something else when you go to support your team abroad!!! There were sooooooo many Aussies out and about in Cardiff that one gentleman commented "Are there any Aussies left in Australia?!" :-) I just had to grin stupidly at the comment. Actually, all weekend I had a silly wide grin on my face :-) The atmosphere on the Saturday just blew me away...

We stumbled upon a bar called "Kiwi's" and I felt a bit awkward at first being surrounded by all the AB supporters!!! But then we moved along a bit and found another entrance to the same place...and we came upon Jane and Nick from Adelaide!!! Hooray!! And also Simon from Canterbury NZ!!! :-) Tell you what, Jane and Nick were so cool!!! :-) I'm so glad we met them because we had such a great time before and after the match!!! We must've met the coolest bunch of people in Cardiff that day :-)

The experience of being in Cardiff, watching rugby, watching the Wallabies, watching them beat Wales and silencing the 40-thousand-plus Welsh crowd...was just bloody awesome mate!!! :-)

The next day the streets were dead. I couldn't quite believe it!!! Where did all the people go overnight?!!! But anyway we still had our fun and the real bonus was meeting some of the Fijian players in Kiwi's bar after their game against Canada!!! Ruggers are so nice and big and strong and muscly in all the right places ;-p I'm gonna get myself a rugger ;-p hahha...

Fighting for Love

Some time ago I was speaking to a friend of mine. We were talking about our past relationships and about soul mates. He told me about his ex and how he realised that she was the one for him, but how she was with someone else now and living in another country.

I asked him if he had told her this and he said yes. I then asked him why he didn't go after her. He said that she was loyal and would not leave her current boyfriend.

Back then I believed in fighting for love. I couldn't figure out why, if you loved somebody that much, why you wouldn't go after them?? I thought, if I were that girl, I would want somebody who loved me that much to fight for me...it would be courageous...romantic...

And now, as I stand where my friend had stood, I understand why he did what he did. I think that true love cannot be fought for. Fighting and love do not go together no matter what anyone says.

I believe that to truly love and be immersed in love, one must surrender and let things be...

Your Gift

You looked into my eyes
And penetrated my soul.
You saw my truth.
And it revealed my hurt, my pain
That had only been known to me.
And only me.

I felt a sadness overwhelm me.
A deep sorrow that had been mine
For as long as I could remember.

You held me.
You loved me.
Unconditionally.
Even though I barely knew you.

You released the part of me
That held on so desperately
To the past.

I want to thank you
My dear friend.
For your gift.

Warmth

You stare at me
With your cold cold eyes.
Sometimes it frightens me.
And I feel frozen to the core.

But it takes only a moment
For the coldness to disappear.
And beneath it all
Is warmth.
Curiously sticking its head out,
At times afraid to come out.

But it's there.
And it's comforting.

Eternity

Never had I felt
Such great distance
Between two people.

There we lay
On the same bed
Yet I clung onto the side
Like hanging on for dear life.

Our hearts - so distant.
Our souls - universes apart.

I felt the cold
Even though it was a warm summer's night.
I stepped outside,
And stared at the stars.
You didn't even notice I was gone.

I lay next to you
And felt the warmth of your body.
I cried.
Because in my heart I knew
Eternity would not be ours to share.

A Vacant Stare

I looked into your eyes
To search your soul.
But your eyes revealed
Just a vacancy, a void.

But still I pursued.
I thought I could awaken
Your soul, your truth.
And re-ignite the flame.

But over time I realised,
It is not my place to do such things.
We all grow in our own time.
We all learn in our own way.
We all define love differently.

Let's fly

Look into my eyes,
Deep into my soul.

I stand there
With arms wide open
And a heart overflowing with love

I emanate light.
Light which is pure love.
There are no shadows here.

Take a step inside
And hold my hand.
I will embrace you with love
And together we will fly.

Space Cadet

I arrived back to London yesterday after spending a week at Findhorn Foundation in Scotland (a spiritual community). The state which I was in is best summed up as a 'Space Cadet' as my friend Jase called me :-)

I really was in la-la-land. I was in such a loving and peaceful space after I left and I felt very different. Jase asked me how my week at the 'hippy community' was and all I could say was that it was absolutely awesome and great...my voice in a dreamy kinda state. Jase asked what drugs I was on...hahhaa!!! I said I'm on a natural high...high on love and love of life :-)

And oh wow...I cannot even begin to describe my experience at Findhorn...I don't know where to start...what to share...

I never knew that one could fall in love so easily with a bunch of strangers. There were 10 others in my group, all on Experience Week and I love each and every one of them, not to mention our 2 'Focalisers' for the week, who were like our Guides.

It was a week of self-discovery and inner reflection. I learnt how to be more open and just allowing others to love me, and that it is okay to ask for help and to let others do things for me. I have been the kind of person to always look out for others, always be there for them, and I give and I give and I give...Yet I always find it difficult to receive from others...I kinda put up this wall, fooling myself that I am ok and that I don't need anything from anybody...

It's kinda like...I am always appearing to be 'OK' to other people...People always see me as happy, enjoying life, laughing, loving...but hardly anyone sees the cracks...the fragility that is me...but I am only human after all...

Being kind, gentle, caring and loving to other people comes naturally to me. I do not have to think twice about these things. Having these things reciprocated has always been difficult for me. I do not know why. I never used to take compliments very well at all. Laughing it off was the only way to deal with the embarassment which I felt if someone noticed something nice or good about me. But now, I am learning to accept these things and to say 'Thank you for noticing' whenever I receive a compliment :-) And in saying that, I acknowledge the good that others see in me.

I have received many compliments within the last two or so years, but the ones which stick most in my mind are 'You are a top girl' and 'You are a very attractive girl'. The second compliment especially has taken a while to sit comfortably with me...because I do doubt it...because I fail to see it...Though I do believe that attractiveness also accounted for personality when this compliment was made...

Perhaps I find these compliments difficult to accept because the people who I want to notice these qualities in me, appear to me not to notice these...this is what I came to realise last night...and so now that I have come to this realisation I can release it from within me...And I thank from the bottom of my heart my friends Billy and Owen for noticing these qualities in me :-)

The Findhorn Experience brought lots and lots of laughter and also lots and lots of tears. I thank my new and very much treasured friends from the Experience, and I thank them for sharing this part of my life journey with me...

There was one evening during an exercise when my soul was touched very deeply. This exercise involved just gazing into another's eyes and really noticing them, because it is said that the eyes are the window to the soul...In this exercise, after both parties felt ready to move on, they would gently squeeze each others hands and then link up with another person in the room.

My partner was Hugo (god bless his gentle gentle soul), and at first I was feeling a bit goofy having to stare into someone's eyes. It's not something I find comfortable doing...but after a short while the goofy grin on my face faded and I was left gazing into these beautiful eyes and into this beautiful beautiful soul...I felt this sadness start to overwhelm me...and after a short while we just embraced each other and I felt like sobbing...I really did...but the tears wouldn't come...and so we just held onto each other...and I felt like I never wanted to let him go...

He saw me for the person that I am. He saw my soul and he reached out and touched it ever so gently. And through his embrace he told me...'It is OK to be loved'...

This particular experience was very strange for me...I didn't know how to accept it...so I had to just let it sit with me for the rest of the evening...It was lovely...so lovely and so loving...and I am extremely grateful for the experience...

For now I will wrap it up for this blog...I will perhaps write a bit more later...

Love and Light to all my dear friends in the universe...

Stillness

Recently it has really come to my attention how impatient human beings are. How we go through life as if it's a race. How everything must be available to us - pronto! Because time=money and money more than anything is precious!!!

I'm in London at the moment for pleasure, and I just spent almost 2 hours sitting in Jenny's Cafe near Chinatown just taking my time eating and drinking...and just observing people in general - the people walking past outside...the customers coming in and out of the cafe...

I wondered how many people could actually sit still enough in one spot for say half an hour and just be at peace with themselves? Could they sit and just observe what was happening around them? To create a stillness within themselves and just...watch?

I wondered if people these days even tasted their food when they ate. Why are we always in such a hurry??? Why has life become such a race? Such a rat race?? Things to do, people to see and all that riff-raff...For me, living in Switzerland has allowed me to slow down and smell the flowers :-) Because my life was very much like what I see today with people...always busy busy busy...life going along like a freight train...And you really don't know how to slow down...

I also wonder why people are in such a hurry to board an aeroplane? Even before they call you up to board people are already queuing up. What's the hurry??? It's not like the plane is going to fly off without you!!! Most flights have allocated seats anyway...so I do not understand it.

I guess for me...it doesn't concern me when I have to board Easyjet flights without any allocated seating. Flying on my own, it doesn't matter where I sit...even if I am in Boarding Group 'A'...It's much of a muchness to me...Let the impatient people fight over the seats...I'll take what's left...and all flights I have flown with Easyjet so far, I have had awesome seats close to the front!!!

So when then do we find the time to slow down?? I remember in 1998/1999 how busy my social calendar was. I felt that my life was going along like a freight train until my grandmother become very ill...and then everything just slowed down amazingly...Everything which I loved to do with my friends took second priority...I didn't even care. It was kinda like my grandma's illness plucked me from a really busy sidewalk and placed me on the side where I could observe everything from another angle...

And then my grandmother passed away and it made me re-assess things in life. Losing someone close to your heart like that does that to you. Some people welcome the reassessment with open arms and fly with it; while sadly, others just ignore it.

If we could all create that stillness within ourselves for even ten minutes a day, how different the world would be. Would we like what we see about ourselves?

The Rugby

I wrote this after the Tri-Nations decider last weekend...

Despite the 26-12 defeat to the AB's yesterday, I was quite happy with the performance of our boys.

You see, almost EVERYBODY expects the AB's to win. They have this expectation that they should be winning every game because they are the best team in the world. I read an article that many of the Kiwi players were 'disgusted' at the loss to the Wallabies from the previous fortnight...Well, you know, if I was an AB supporter, Australia would be the team I would want to lose against if...lo-and-behold-if-heaven-forsakes that they would lose!!!

And so after the game, I smiled. I thought, well done to the AB's, but definitely better things are coming the Wallabies way :-) My personal opinion is that the AB's have plateaued for the World Cup. There is so much talk and them 'peaking too early'...but then again...they haven't really shown any peak this Tri Nations series...so maybe they do have something in the bag come World Cup time.

I guess a lesson for everybody is that one should never dismiss the AB's. They are the ones who can make something out of nothing and that is why they are currently the best team in the world!

As always, I am behind our boys all the way. And NZ has always been the team I barrack for if they are not playing the Wallabies...you know, neighbourly love and all :-) And so...I am looking forward to yet another semi-final showdown between these two great rugby nations come October ;-)

A Change is Coming...

I feel on a soul level that a change is coming...I don't know, it's just a feeling.

I am very excited yet a bit afraid at the same time. There is nothing to be afraid of I know...but I guess old habits die hard...

Quite a few things have happened in the past few weeks...maybe kinda like a light being switched on and a bit of a prod from divine powers that they are with me every step of the way...

Scottish things
I have booked myself in for a spiritual awareness week in Findhorn, Scotland in August. My soul calling for some time-out will be granted when I go there. Ever since I booked this in mid-June I have come across so many 'Scottish' incidences. I met up with Petra's workmates one weekend and 3 of them were from Scotland. Another time I was on the bus and I heard 2 girls talking - one in a Scottish accent! Then I spoke to a friend from another rugby club and she was going to Scotland during the Rugby World Cup to watch a game there. I didn't know that she had spent a year in Glasgow to learn English. And what is more, she told me she spent 5 months in Aberdeen, which is close to where Findhorn is!!! Then the other day the TV was on and I heard 'Scotland Yard'...

Rainbows
About 2 weeks ago I was thinking what I could draw for my SS. I decided to draw her a rainbow. Later that day Petra emailed me and told me that she saw a rainbow that morning :-) So I told her about my rainbow drawing :-) She then said that I had sent her a rainbow as a gift earlier that morning on Facebook...which I had totally forgotten about!!! How bad is my memory?!! So...3 rainbows in a day :-)

Sam
A few nights ago I dreamt about a friend from uni. Her name is Sam. I don't know her that well, but we did speak occasionally and we also have a mutual friend Diana. I dreamt that we were chatting and she told me she lived in 'Pam Hills' which was somewhere in Sydney in my dream. And in an instant, like in the blink of an eye, we found ourselves there. Before us stretched wild grass and beyond that a nice lake. Behind us were all these houses like in a housing estate. We chatted and all of a sudden I saw my school friend Bron's sister. She came and sat next to Sam and myself. I was wondering where my friend Bron was and then she appeared. It wasn't until I was writing this dream down in my journal that I realised I had 2 Sams in my dream because Bron's sister's name is Samantha also!!!

Chatting to Sze after I had this dream, she mentioned the medium which SS and I had gone to see a few years ago. Straight away I said...Oh yes, Sam Harding. And only then did I realise that was the third mention of 'Sam' within like 2 days of each other!!!

So I don't know what's with all that, but I think it's really cool :-)

Also within the last week I finally acknowledged to myself that although I still love a certain someone, I knew that I was no longer in love with him. That road has been very long and the path perhaps too worn. I felt a bit of sadness wash over me but we did have some really really good times which will always live on in my memories. Our relationship has tested my utmost strength and played on my weaknesses. It has brought me to great heights and also to the depths of my despair. Despite the strong bond that we once had, and the certainty I once felt, I feel that we missed our chance a long time ago - and so we must move on. I certainly do not regret the path that I have taken :-) It has strengthened my soul :-)

I felt a kind of release. And this time, despite me saying this numerous times before...I really am letting go :-) I realised that by letting go, I am free to love again and more importantly to allow myself to be loved. My angels keep whispering in my ear that there is someone out there who is more than I could have ever imagined or wanted. That he is waiting and that when I see him I will know. Perhaps it's just my wishful thinking :-) But I'd like to believe the angels on this one ;-p

So, bring on the change! ;-)

Motivation...

For the past 3 weeks my motivation levels at work have hit the lowest of low!!! I just cannot be facked to do anything!!! And ok, it was alright for a while because I had nothing major due, but now it's Reporting time again...and I am supposed to be up over my head with work...yet I sit here and can't get a push to start something. Ok...well, I do bits and pieces but nowhere near enough to what I should be doing!!! I think of all the work I must get through before my holiday at the end of this month and I just want to cry!!!

And despite me knowing how much I should be getting done, I play around on Facebook and write on my blog!!! Man, I haven't experienced procrastination like this since...since my university days when I had to study for exams or do an assignment!!!

Shit!! Where did the motivation disappear to?? Well, even if motivation doesn't kick in, I have time that will loom up like a freight train...and then I'll be sorry!!!

God can only help those who help themselves!!! ;-p

A Visit...

Shortly after my godbrother Ray passed away back in 1998, I had a visitation from him. People who have experienced a visitation will tell you that it is very distinct from a dream. It's like a dream except that it is so vivid and your senses are heightened and you just have this awareness. Well, that was my experience anyway.

I remember vividly how I was at his place and I went around to the back-yard with my brother. I was talking to my brother and all of a sudden I caught something from the corner of my eye. I turned around and saw this brilliant golden-orange glow reflecting off the fence. The next thing I remember was Ray coming up to by brother and I (we were standing side-by-side), and he put his arms around both of us and he said to me...'I am alright'.

There was so much love that I could feel in this 'dream'. It was just amazing. The whole experience was amazing. It stayed with me for a long time afterwards. And when I went to pray for his soul at the Nan Tien Temple in Parramatta, I saw the golden statue of the Enlightened One and the colour was exactly that which was in my dream.

I cannot remember much more detail right now as it has been 9 years since that time...and with time the memory fades a little :-)

I do not really know why I have written this now. Perhaps it has to do with my mum's Aunt passing away last week. She was 90-something and I think lived a very long and good life.

I am just thinking in my head how many people I know have passed over since I left Sydney. Firstly my grand-dad on my mum's side passed away the day I left Sydney. Then my grand-dad on my dad's side passed away 4 months later. I also remember my friend Simon's dad who passed away, and then an uncle of mine. And now my mum's aunt.

I am not afraid of death. It is part of the cycle of life and death and life again :-) Life is never-ending. We never cease to exist. We just change forms :-)

And so it is...

And so I have officially tendered my resignation from my current position here in Switzerland. When I went to hand in my resignation letter last Thursday and my boss asked me for the reason, I suddenly felt overwhelmed and actually burst into tears infront of my boss!!! I told her that the main reason was because I missed my family and friends too much...*sniff*...and she asked me jokingly if I really did miss them that much...and yes I do miss you guys that much :-)

I seriously did not expect to be so upset!!! But I couldn't control my emotions and the tears just came out!!! Now, I wasn't crying because I was resigning or sad to be leaving the company at the end of October. I think more than anything it was more relief. Relief because for a long time I knew the day would come. And when that time came, I knew that finally I would be heading home for good.

And so I have already made my plans to leave Switzerland. I will be leaving on November 12th, spend some time in Malaysia with my parents then spend a few days in Hong Kong whilst my parents fly back to Sydney :-) And I will be arriving home on my mum's birthday on November 24th :-) And then just chill out in December :-)

I communicated to my old boss in Sydney that when I figure out what I wish to do, then perhaps I will be in touch with him for any job opportunites. They have already told me to make sure I speak with them before I go job-hunting :-) Which is always reassuring!

Back in early April when I had already been thinking about leaving towards the end of the year, I wasn't sure whether or not I still wanted to work for the same company. At that stage I really had had enough and felt that I just needed a break. Then over the course of two months there were some changes in the Oz office and suddenly I thought...maybe I do want to work for them again! And I had been toying with the idea. Actually up until last night I still thought I had wanted to go back and work with my old boss. They are a great bunch of people to work with!!!

But something changed last night...

I realised that the only reasons I would go back to my old company would be for security purposes and for the people there. I know that I would probably get paid well and I would be more or less familiar with the work - or at least be able to pick things up pretty quickly.

But what do I love doing? What do I enjoy the most? What makes my heart and soul smile?? And the answer that came back to me, the answer that I have known all along, is to work with children.

I had this vision of working with kids and coaching them. I'm talking about primary school kids here! I remembered a time when I taught my godsister and godbrother some maths and I remembered how much they enjoyed it. My godsister reminds me about it from time to time and tells me how much fun it was and that she did learn something :-) I also have this vision of working with adults and helping them with their English.

And so I am going to ask for divine guidance to help me onto this path. I truly believe that if you do what you love then the money will follow...and so I should step out of my financial comfort zone and freefall. The rewards I am sure, will be greater than any measureable thing :-)

Disappearing Act

I don't really know why, but right now I just feel like disappearing for a while.

This morning at home I logged onto Facebook and saw that 2 of my best buddies had joined and I was so excited and happy!!! Then as I was sitting and waiting for my ride to work, all of a sudden I felt the need to just get away from everything and everyone. No internet, no mobile, nothing.

I kinda just felt like getting away from everything that I knew - for a week or maybe two. I felt like totally disappearing and only my mum would be able to reach me...

I don't know why or what is happening to me. But as my SS told me - I must trust my vibe and create some stillness for reflection.

Maybe it's the thought of a specific someone, or the prospect of having to face my boss tomorrow after she found out about my plans to leave Switzerland from someone else! It is possibly these things, but I know that on a soul level, it is something much greater...

At the present moment I feel that something within me is not in alignment with my higher self. So I am feeling this push and pull which is uncomfortable. I think I am about to undergo a phenomenal transition on the spiritual level...

So let me just disappear for a while...

Emotions

I don't know why I am feeling a bit emotional these past few days. Perhaps it's something in the cosmos or perhaps it's something to do with my bio-rhythms...whatever that is!!!

They say that feelings and emotions are the language of the soul - so what exactly is my soul trying to say to me?? I guess I should quiet my mind and listen up more closely...

Yesterday, courtesy of Petra, we were volunteering at the Ironman Triathlon in Zurich. It was heaps of fun and an awesome experience!

Competing in any triathlon is no mean feat. It is a real test of fitness and more so a real test of the power of the mind. In yesterday's triathlon, the competitors had to swim 3.8km, cycle 180km and then run 42km!!! And all in a day's work!!! I cannot even begin to imagine how gruelling the whole exercise is!!!

After being on my feet and in the sun for almost 10 whole hours helping out, my head felt like it would explode by the time I finished up!!! And I was only doing mild labour compared to the athletes!!! I did get more exposure to the sun than I would have liked though and my guess is that I suffered from a mild case of heat stroke!

Anyway after finishing up with our volunteer work around 6.30pm, Petra and I started cheering the remaining competitors on, as they passed the volunteer's area. I think many of them were delirious by that time - since they started the competition at 7am that morning!!! The majority of them gave us a wave or a smile or a 'thanks' as we cheered and clapped them on. I wondered aloud to Petra whether the athletes would get annoyed with our cheering and she said no, that in fact they really appreciate it -and she was very right.

After a little while we headed over to the finishing area - the home stretch. It was amazing to watch these athletes muster up their last bits of energy and finish the race - the looks of relief on their faces as they ran the last 50 meters. But what touched me most was seeing these athletes being supported by their kids or their whole family even - including their family dog!!!

I saw maybe 3 or 4 athletes running down the home stretch holding the hands of their kids...and it just moved me so much!!! There was one memorable moment when three little kids started jumping up and down yelling - 'There's daddy! There's daddy! Quick! Quick!' and they ran out to their dad as he rounded the corner, and together the four of them ran to the finish line, hand in hand. It was so moving :-) I had to wipe tears from my eyes :-)

In the meantime there was this little girl maybe 2 years old in a pram next to me. Little blondie had such a cute smile and every single time I looked at her she would laugh and shy away from me. I didn't think I looked that funny!! hahah...:-) So I looked at her quite often just because her laugh and smile was so cute :-)

Anyway, speaking of emotions...this morning I saw a photo of my Soul Sista Eva from about a week or so ago with some old friends from Sydney who were visiting HK. Seeing the photo just made me miss her so much, and it made me miss my friends heaps too. And I got a bit teary-eyed! Something in the planetary alignments I tell you!!!

Who cares?

Waiting for my video to be uploaded on Facebook, I was browsing the Good News Network website (www.goodnewsnetwork.org)...And the stories there always move me in some way...

Sometimes I'm so busy doing my own thing, so busy in my world of technology that I forget. I forget that there are people out there who devote their time towards making this world a better place to live in. I forget that there are people that actually truly care for the well-being of others, for the state of the world in which we live in.

It's so easy to just forget sometimes because maybe we think the world is already a mess and beyond help. Perhaps we think that we alone cannot make a difference. Maybe we think...what good is it if I do something to help someone, to help the world around me and the person next to me just undoes what I go out to do?

What if we thought differently? What if you knew that you alone can make a difference to the world, by your actions, by your words? It all starts from somewhere. Quoting from Mohandas Ghandi..."Be the change that you want to see in the world."

Addicted

I am currently addicted to Facebook!!! Perhaps I will write more in my blog once the Facebook novelty wears off!!! :-)

Anyway, a few months ago Petra had sent me an invite to join Facebook. Honestly I wasn't all that keen on the idea. I didn't really know much about it, but to me it was like meeting random people online, which I am wary of. So I never joined.

Just last Monday I was chatting to my godsister on MSN and she told me I should join Facebook, and again I was still feeling reluctant about it and told her yeh, that I would check it out later!!! That evening when I got home from work I received another invite to join Facebook from another friend...and so I thought...well twice in one day...there must be something to it...so I will join!!!

And I did. And now I am addicted to it. I do not know why?! Perhaps it is being able to get in touch with friends from long ago. It is like this one place where you can go and see what your friends have been up to, send them short messages, see photos of each other. I think it is a really easy way to communicate with friends, especially if you don't really want to read long-winded emails or don't really have much time to write them personal emails! :-)

Also I think it's cool to see 'six degrees of separation' and who knows who and how :-) I feel like telling all my friends who are not already on Facebook to quickly jump on the bandwagon and see what all the fuss is about :-)

Well, I must get back to Facebook now :-)

Dream

Living in the present
Does not mean I cannot fantasize.
About you, about your warmth
Your kisses, your embrace.

Reality is what we create.
And sometimes I can only dream.
Dream until I can almost smell you.
Dream until I can almost taste you, and feel you.
Dream so that you become real.

The Vault

I never expected to see you.
And then you appeared
like an apparition.

I had almost forgotten
what you looked like.
All the memories of you
locked inside the vault
inside my soul.

But there you stood
in my reality.
And I called your name.
And you looked up
Equally surprised.

And you smiled.
And with that smile
You unlocked the vault
Awakening all the memories
inside my soul.

Technology

Oh wow! Who can believe that I am actually writing this post from a small hostel in Hamburg, using wireless internet from the hotel on my new Nokia E65?! I am writing this like I am texting...so a bit of a pain but it's a novelty at the same time! Plus not to mention that I am bored! :-)

Anyway I am in Hamburg for a metaphysical seminar on the Secrets of Atlantis by Diana Cooper. Those who know me very well will know that this is my kind of thing :-) Those who think they know me well but didn't know that part of me...well there you go :-). Well I am here purely for this seminar and I know it will be just awesome :-)

Work Work Work

Fack! It's a Saturday, I'm at work and I cannot be facked to do anything at the moment! That's why I am writing this :-)

It's a bit silly really. This is the second time where I have pretty much had to work double-time so that I can go away for a few days in peace and not worry about work! Not that I worry about my work. But sometimes I just feel this responsibility to deliver what I am supposed to!!! It's not even a proper holiday I am going on. I have just taken 3 annual leave days over a weekend and a public holiday to spend 6 days in London! And sure the work will still be here when I get back!! I guess I just have a knack of taking time off at the 'wrong' times!!!

I always wonder why some people work so hard. They pour everything they have into work work work - and for what? For some gold medal? For some big prize at the end? I guess maybe for self-satisfaction...to see what you can achieve...I think in the end though that the reward at the end ends up to be a booby-prize! :-) haha!

When I hear about people that work long hours and on weekends...and they don't get anything back for it, I think they are absolutely nuts and that no-one really cares whether they put in all this extra overtime or not. I think some people set the standards too high and so then they have to suffer each time to reach that mark...every night, every weekend. What is it all for really?

And so when my workmate Bianca questions me and says I am silly for working these long hours and on weekends...which only happens like once every two months...I somehow try to defend myself and tell her that it just has to be done! And then I feel really hypocritical!!

But for 95% of the time, I do know where to draw the line when it comes to work and having a life :-)

On Thursday I was quite stressed as I knew I had a lot to get through. On Friday I still had a lot to stress about, but I thought to myself...what's the point in stressing? You can only do your best to get through what you can. And so I was feeling really good on Friday and smiling at work even!!! :-) And I got through what I said to myself that I would for the day!

And so on that note...I better get something done here!

And P.S. I'm not a workaholic! :-)

Untitled

10th April 2007

I try to sleep
But I lie awake.
An intense feeling
of missing you
washes over me
and swallows me whole.

I cannot fight it.
I can only feel it
and surrender to it.
And then it will pass.

I did not ask for it.
I do not understand it.
But I accept it.
For it makes me whole.

Chocolate Brownies & Grandma

I made some Chocolate Brownies yesterday thanks to Jamie Oliver's recipe :-) It really did turn out delicious!!! I recommend it to everyone...even if you don't think you can make it!! Hey, even I managed to make it!! :-) I thought I was really crappy at making cakes and things like that. It's probably been at least 10 years since I have made anything of the sort!!! But this one was really simple and made from scratch even! No packet mix!! :-) It was actually my trial batch as I have to make some for after the rugby match this Sunday! I brought some into work this morning and they all disappeared!!! I had to tell people at work that Petra made them for me as comfort food as I was at home sick yesterday :-) Really I was not feeling well...but I managed to make some brownies ;-)

Anyway I just had to share that whilst I was mixing the egg into the mixture my arms started getting tired from the stiring...and it made me think of my childhood and how grandma used to get one of us to get the egg beater and mix the butter and sugar...for what seemed like forever!!!

I laughed out loud (I was home alone) because I remembered the days where I used to loathe it when grandma used to make a cake and we'd have to help her out! It was soooo boring mixing the batter!!! My arms would almost fall off!!! So as I put effort into mixing my Chocolate Brownie mixture I couldn't help but smile and laugh as it made me think of grandma :-) And it made me very grateful for those times :-) My arms nearly fell off too yesterday, but at least I really enjoyed the process :-)

And let me leave you with this...a few weeks ago I was at work and wanted to eat some chocolate. My workmate said to me 'Oh! that is so bad and not healthy!!!'. And I responded...'Actually it is very healthy - because it makes me happy!!' So eat and be merry is what I say! ;-)

Here and Now

The sun shines.
I know where I am now.
It was never about you.
It was never about you and me.
It was never about the past,
Or the future.
It was always about me
And how I choose
To live each moment.
Right here, right now.

Friends with Johnnie

Johnnie Walker that is. I cannot remember the last time I got this drunk on scotch & coke :-) I think it must have been at least a year ago!!! But I think that time I intentionally went out to drink to try to forget a few things for a night.

Saturday. It was a hot day! After spending a day in the sun watching the guys play rugby, Petra, Lea and I took the train back to Luzern from Zug. Lea asked me, 'Jackie, will you come for a drink with me at Billy's when we get back to Luzern?' I said, 'ummm'. Lea said 'Because otherwise I will feel really stupid drinking there on my own...:-('. I said 'aww...okay then.' And so that was where it started...and why I found myself still sitting at Billy's late at night, well after Lea and Petra had gone home!!!

But actually it was a really great night :-) See, when I get drunk I tend to talk a lot more. And for my friends here they think it's a miracle that I talk at all!!! It is a bit hard with the language barrier, though most of the Rugby gang do speak some english...even so, I tend not to say much at all and just observe.

Pascale and Marcel - these two guys I have known for probably a year to a year and a half now. They are friendly guys but I never talked to them much before. Oh but after maybe 3 or 4 Johnnie's I couldn't stop chatting! I asked them where they lived, what they were studying, how old were they?! I kept saying 'Cheers!!'...haha...and apparently - though I cannot remember this - when they told me they were 25 I told them that they were babies! hahha...

After my 4th or 5th Johnnie, I said to Petra that I would like another drink but was afraid that I would throw up if I had another one!!! I think I was on my 5th or 6th when Petra left me chatting to the boys and she went home!!! I must have repeated a hundred times to the boys how I couldn't believe that Petra left me on my own!!! heheh...By the time I left Billy's I had had 7 Johnnie's! ;-p That I can remember! Plus my wallet was so much lighter than at the start of the evening!!! I was home before midnight because I had a game of rugby to play the next day! When I got home the toilet bowl was my friend also ;-)

Waking up the next morning I actually felt quite fine. I don't suffer from hangovers as much as most people! In the morning I was just hungry and feeling wide awake! We had to take a 2.5hr train journey down to Yverdon to play our game. That was when I felt the effects of the alcohol!!! Rocking train + 7 scotch&cokes the previous night = nausea!!! I wanted to close my eyes but I think that makes it worse...so I kept looking at the nice scenery of the lakes and mountains outside :-) I managed not to throw up but was still feeling quite green after we got off the train.

The coach said we had the option of walking or taking a taxi to the pitch. I wanted to walk because it was such a nice day, but mainly because I couldn't stand the thought of being in a moving vehicle again - even if it was only for a few minutes!!! But anyway it was one-in-all-in and we ended up cabbing it! Lucky I didn't puke as I was sitting in the middle!!! :-D

I have learnt not to drink so much the night before a game!! Even if it's only a friendly game!!! I don't know how people do it! Must be getting old!!! heheh...I certainly know how much it affected me on the field...I was just totally useless with much slower reactions!! Johnnie was still running through my veins!!!

But still, I had heaps of fun and still remember bits and pieces from the night which make me smile :-)

Mr Singh/April

A few days ago Mr Singh passed away. Speaking to my mum on Good Friday, she told me that 'the old man across the street' died. I only knew him as a friendly wave and a smile - quite often whenever I left the house. I think that the number of times I conversed with him in the 16 years I had lived at Ashgrove Crescent and we were neighbours, can sadly be counted with both hands.

I was a bit shocked by the news. Death in any form, whether by old age or other means, is not something you hear about every day with someone who you (sort of) know. Actually I never even knew what Mr Singh did. I know that his wife - Mrs Singh - was a high-school teacher. I know that he has two grown-up sons in their 30's and that one of them got married a few years ago and had a son. I know that his eldest son is a doctor. I know he used to go walking a lot and he always seemed to be at home...

To me and to my family, he was always the friendly old man from across the street. I wish that I at least knew his first name...but none of that matters now. I know that he is resting in peace and that he is smiling down upon all of his loved ones, even though they may be crying from his departure.
~~~~~~~~~~

April. A time to remember two of my loved ones who have passed from this earth. April 16th marks 8 years since my dear grandma passed away. Actually I had a dream about her last night although I cannot recall the details right now...April 21st marks 9 years since my dear godbrother Ray passed away...

Grandma & Ray, I love you guys and miss you lots. Life has been quite a tremendous journey since you went away - and I know you have been there every step of the way...

A Job, a Career and a Vocation

Three weekends ago I went to London for a weekend 'Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL)' course. I think it's one of the best things I have ever done!!

Recently there was an article in the SMH about three kinds of work -a job, a career and a vocation (or a calling). I have always known what my vocation would be - to educate, to teach. Somehow, so far I have never managed to take a step towards my vocation. Actually when I was a kid, up until I was 16, I always wanted to become a school teacher. At the end of Yr10 my English teacher asked me what I wanted to become after I left school and I told her I wanted to become a teacher. She said to me...'Oh no! You don't want to be that!' And so, for some reason, I changed my mind on the spot there and then and decided to go into computing.

Reflecting upon her words now, I am surprised at how easily she influenced me. She wasn't my favourite teacher, but somehow what she said set me on quite a different path. I guess though, perhaps I would not have had the same opportunities had I chosen the path of teaching at university. I would not be doing what I am right now if I had taken that path. I like to think of it as a blessing in disguise :-)

I knew though, that sooner or later I would not be able to ignore my calling. In a roundabout way, I would not be able to escape it. And so the TEFL course in London was my first step towards my calling. Although I may not ever use that TEFL certification, it is a start for me onto a path which I know will be more personally fulfilling.

I need a career-break. In two weeks time I would have been living and working in Switzerland for two years!!! It's quite hard to believe how quickly time has passed us by!!! In two weeks time, I would have been working in the same industry for 4 years and 8 months!!! (Not that I am counting! :-)). By the time I leave the company - which will be end of October I have decided - I would have been working in the same industry for 5 years and 2 months! That's a long time for me! I know that the option is always there for me to work once again in the Sydney office. I am grateful for this, however I believe that I really just need to take a few months off and decide what I really wish to do with myself.

I have my eye on completing a 4-week intensive CELTA course (Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults) when I get back to Sydney in November. This will certify me to teach English to Adults the world-over, so the world will again be my oyster. I do wish to work closer with children though, so I will have to research my options and go with what feels right to me :-)

Many of my friends tell me that they can see me as a teacher and that I would make a great one at that too :-) There is nothing to lose and only everything to gain :-)

Proud Aunt

Today I am feeling extremely happy and proud. My second niece came into the world less than 24 hours ago at the time I am writing this :-) Baby Sarah was born on 28th March 2007. My sister refused to tell me what she was going to name her second child. She wouldn't even give me any hints despite me being overseas!! But Sarah, that is a very nice name :-)

My friend Tammy had a baby daughter around September/October last year (sorry I cannot remember!) and named her Sarah. I thought, that is such a pretty name :-)

And so now I have two nieces - Ashleigh and Sarah :-) Mum said Sarah is just gorgeous with jet-black hair and two cute little dimples!! She even opened her eyes when mum went to visit tonight. The only thing, mum said, is that she has a flat nose like you!!! hahaha...Thanks mum! :-)

And so, we have another little angel in this world :-) I have not seen any pictures yet, but I cannot wait to meet her!!! But that won't be until November this year!! I guess in the meantime, I will just have to watch her grow from photos! :-)

Oh, and from my last post where I said it was raining babies...well, afterwards my girlfriend Jenny told me she was pregnant with her second child and will be due sometime in August! See...it really is raining babies!! :-)

It's raining babies!!!

OMG! I just read my cousin Robert's Yenblog and there will be three new additions to the Yen clan before the year is out!!! My sister is due any day now with her second child, and my cousin Grace is due with her first sometime in August. Then my cousin Robert's wife is due with her second sometime in September!!! Not to mention that towards the end of last year, babies Jordan Phillip and Renee joined the family!!! Next thing I'll probably find out that one of my girlfriends is preggers!!! :-) It seems like everyone wants to have a golden little piggy! :-) Well, it's great news all around :-)

Well, I just had a lovely weekend! :-) First I went shopping with Petra and her mum...and all us girls know how terribly draining it is to go shopping!!! I was very good and didn't buy anything as I have reached my spending budget this month already! Actually, on Friday I spent a chunk of money on booking a flight to London for this coming weekend and also booked myself into a weekend course to be certified in "Teaching English as a Foreign Language". I'm not sure I will actually use this certification for anything, but it is a start on the road to my vocation - which is to educate, to teach.

I spent Saturday evening in a village called Muotathal, which is where Petra grew up and where her dad's family still lives. We spent maybe two and a bit hours playing with her little brothers who are 2.5yrs and 4yrs old. And by the time we put them to bed by 8.30pm I was totally exhausted and felt like going to bed myself!! hahah....Instead I stayed up watching some tv show I couldn't understand a word of!! :-)

Muotathal is the kind of place where busy people like Sydneysiders would take a weekend-away break to. To be in a nice little house, with a fireplace perhaps, surrounded by snow-capped mountains and a great river which runs through the village. In the evening, the skies are so clear and the stars oh-so-bright! It was really nice to get away for part of the weekend :-)

On Sunday morning Petra and I took her little brothers Levin and Micha to an animal park where you can feed the deers. Petra's older brother Cornel joined us also. For the first time I saw a reindeer...well, I think it was a reindeer as I just googled it! It was the first time I had seen an animal with huge antlers! It was pretty cool!!! There were heaps of deer around and I also saw the Billy Goats Gruff :-) hehe...The coolest thing I saw however were some bears!!! They were just awesome!! Petra said they were brown bears, and their fur was a very light brown in colour!!! They were bloody massive!!! I took some pretty good snaps as they came to sit on some rocks which were only about 2-3 meters away from where we were. There was some water separating the bears from us!

About 3-4 hours at the zoo with kids is pretty draining...actually more than half an hour with any kid that is awake is very draining!!! :-) But it was a lot of fun and I would do it again, though perhaps not that often :-)

I wonder how many more babies will rain down on me by the time I head home to Sydney? :-)

Snowboarding weekend

Two weekends ago I went to the Rugby Club's skiing/snowboarding weekend to a place called Melchsee-Frutt very close to Luzern. Petra and I got a lift with our friends Christa and Winu and I think it only took like 45 minutes drive to get to the mountain!! :-)

The weather when we arrived was grey and cold. I've been really spoilt with fantastic weather on the very few occasions which I have gone snowboarding. So for once I got to experience probably more normal conditions!!

I actually wasn't too keen on hopping on my board to be honest. Probably cos of the weather and my nerves. But then I just need to push myself a little and I'll be fine. I'm just a slow starter is all :-) I had all the rugby people around me who have so much experience on the slopes...and then there was me! Petra boarded with me...she's so cool and patient when it comes to snowboarding with me :-) My first run I took a few stacks but was fine. There was one fall however where it was really bad and I had to regain my breath lying sprawled on the snow. That one really hurt!!!

After that, Petra and I stopped at a bar and spent over an hour there :-) I had some coffee schnapps thing and also tried to eat this soup. I wasn't that hungry but the food smelt so good!! I however felt sick when I started eating the soup...it wasn't that the food was bad...I think it was a mixture of the coffee schnapps with the bad fall that I had which made me feel like throwing up everytime I took a spoonful of the soup!!! But I eventually finished it with Petra's help!! :-)

Then we carried on with snowboarding. We went down a run shared with sledgers (where you sit on a sledge and slide down the mountain). At first it was alright. I made a big stack early on and remember just lying sprawled on the snow again totally disoriented!! Slowly I made my way to where Petra was.

Then things started to go bad for me...The snow on the run was compact and each time I fell, I was quite determined to get back on my feet straight away and to keep going. But after falling so many times and on the same bloody spot on my butt, I got really really frustrated and gave in. Cos it really started to hurt after a while!!! I was so angry and annoyed with myself. I lost my confidence and just said...fuck it! I can't do this anymore! And just walked down the mountain (it was a long way)!!! Petra asked me to try and sit on my snowboard to slide down the mountain. I did try for a short while, but I couldn't even get that right!!! My mind had already given up!!! I was such a grumpy bum!!!

I was really glad when we got back to our little hut. We stayed overnight and it was great fun. I don't think anyone really had a late night as we were all quite buggered! We ate this traditional Swiss meal which was macaroni with cheese and apple sauce!!! It's really weird seeing it...but actually it goes really well together!!! Then later we played some games and had a good laugh at those that were drunk and attempting to think at the same time :-) I though, was not drunk :-)

One of the guys lost a bet or something and had to go outside in the snow and slide down the slope naked!!! hahahah...that was great entertainment for the rest of us!!! hahah...

On the Sunday I was energised again after a good night's rest and wanted to hit the slopes, forgetting about the bad afternoon I had the day before!!! I tackled another black run...though actually it was only black cos there was one really steep part which was also quite icy! I think I managed that by sliding down on my ass! hahaha...After we finished that run, we stopped at this hut...and actually I had no idea that that was the same hut we had been hanging out at!! I was just really disoriented!!! haha...

I felt so good with that run that we did the same again. The weather on the Sunday was quite miserable...windy and really really grey!!! But that didn't bother me! I was so happy that I hopped on the ski-lift, actually forgetting to undo my foot from my snowboard!! hahha...It wasn't until I got on with Petra and Christa, and they mentioned it to me! hahaha....So I undid it when I was riding on the ski-lift! hahaha....

The second time round, I actually sorta fell off the side of the mountain! It was a little scary, but I didn't fall that far and was back on track in no time! When we eventually made it back to the hut, there was a snowstorm happening at the top of the mountain and all ski lifts were temporarily suspended. It was a bit crazy watching the weather and I was glad I wasn't outside!!!

Overall I had a great weekend, but I'll try never to give up so easily again with my snowboarding!! :-)

Some kind of Magic...

A new light
illuminates my path.

I can feel
my skin start to shed
I can feel
myself breaking free.

The veil has been lifted.
The hurt, the pain, the tears
of yesterday
have been released.

It's like I am soaring.
It's like...some kind of magic.

Fasnacht

Ever been to a costume party? Remember how you would literally run from your front door to your car hoping that nobody would see you? Then you'd be safe in your car until you had to make your way from your car to the party scene?!

Well, I love costume parties! :-) And for one week every year, Luzerners throw the biggest costume party...perhaps in the world. Though I cannot vouch for that. The week before Lent begins, Luzern is turned upside-down. The usually clean streets, serious-looking faces of the locals, well-mannered, quiet Swiss...are magically transformed overnight...but only for one week! And on Ash Wednesday everything magically goes back to normal...clean streets and the Swiss back to their normal 'boring' selves (so I've heard!). It's a bit like the coach from Cinderalla turning back into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight!!! And then nine months later, there's a boom in the population!!!

In my older age, I tend to dislike crowds and drunk people more and more. So for me, I would prefer to be a party-pooper and stay away from this party atmosphere! My flatmate asked me tonight if I wanted to head into town. Of course my answer was 'No thanks.' But I was out during the daytime, and that counts for something at least :-)

I was the minority today as I walked amongst the crowd. I took a half-day off work to watch the parade in town. On the train-ride to Luzern, it was just packed with people all in costume for the big party! It was great seeing all the Swiss dressed up and happy :-) You can't help but smile when you see all these costumes! :-) Very colourful and some very creative :-)

I reckon maybe 85% of the people in town today were dressed up. I really felt left out. I should have perhaps donned a witches hat or something, or maybe put on my Wallabies jersey with my Wallabies beanie! hehe... I went in to see the parade, but as I am a shorty I couldn't really see much so I took a walk around instead. There was so much happening all over the place. Lots of 'guggamusik'...which is like carnival music...lots of brass bands playing. It was just awesome!! It really lifts your spirits and you walk around with a huge smile on your face :-) The weather was also great today, which topped it off :-)

As it was daytime, there were lots of kids around and they looked soooooooo cute all dressed up!!! Well the parade went on for about 2.5hrs I believe. I'm actually glad that I didn't stand around for that long, but instead walked around and bopped along to the music around the town. One band even played Green Day's 'Paranoid' which was absolutely awesome! And another played 'Mamma Mia' :-)

I took a few pictures and for the first time am putting up pics with my posting!! Oh, and all the people in the pics are total strangers! I really admire the Swiss for not giving a rat's arse and dressing up and walking around in their costumes in public :-) I guess everybody else does it!! :-) So why not?! :-)