I arrived back to London yesterday after spending a week at Findhorn Foundation in Scotland (a spiritual community). The state which I was in is best summed up as a 'Space Cadet' as my friend Jase called me :-)
I really was in la-la-land. I was in such a loving and peaceful space after I left and I felt very different. Jase asked me how my week at the 'hippy community' was and all I could say was that it was absolutely awesome and great...my voice in a dreamy kinda state. Jase asked what drugs I was on...hahhaa!!! I said I'm on a natural high...high on love and love of life :-)
And oh wow...I cannot even begin to describe my experience at Findhorn...I don't know where to start...what to share...
I never knew that one could fall in love so easily with a bunch of strangers. There were 10 others in my group, all on Experience Week and I love each and every one of them, not to mention our 2 'Focalisers' for the week, who were like our Guides.
It was a week of self-discovery and inner reflection. I learnt how to be more open and just allowing others to love me, and that it is okay to ask for help and to let others do things for me. I have been the kind of person to always look out for others, always be there for them, and I give and I give and I give...Yet I always find it difficult to receive from others...I kinda put up this wall, fooling myself that I am ok and that I don't need anything from anybody...
It's kinda like...I am always appearing to be 'OK' to other people...People always see me as happy, enjoying life, laughing, loving...but hardly anyone sees the cracks...the fragility that is me...but I am only human after all...
Being kind, gentle, caring and loving to other people comes naturally to me. I do not have to think twice about these things. Having these things reciprocated has always been difficult for me. I do not know why. I never used to take compliments very well at all. Laughing it off was the only way to deal with the embarassment which I felt if someone noticed something nice or good about me. But now, I am learning to accept these things and to say 'Thank you for noticing' whenever I receive a compliment :-) And in saying that, I acknowledge the good that others see in me.
I have received many compliments within the last two or so years, but the ones which stick most in my mind are 'You are a top girl' and 'You are a very attractive girl'. The second compliment especially has taken a while to sit comfortably with me...because I do doubt it...because I fail to see it...Though I do believe that attractiveness also accounted for personality when this compliment was made...
Perhaps I find these compliments difficult to accept because the people who I want to notice these qualities in me, appear to me not to notice these...this is what I came to realise last night...and so now that I have come to this realisation I can release it from within me...And I thank from the bottom of my heart my friends Billy and Owen for noticing these qualities in me :-)
The Findhorn Experience brought lots and lots of laughter and also lots and lots of tears. I thank my new and very much treasured friends from the Experience, and I thank them for sharing this part of my life journey with me...
There was one evening during an exercise when my soul was touched very deeply. This exercise involved just gazing into another's eyes and really noticing them, because it is said that the eyes are the window to the soul...In this exercise, after both parties felt ready to move on, they would gently squeeze each others hands and then link up with another person in the room.
My partner was Hugo (god bless his gentle gentle soul), and at first I was feeling a bit goofy having to stare into someone's eyes. It's not something I find comfortable doing...but after a short while the goofy grin on my face faded and I was left gazing into these beautiful eyes and into this beautiful beautiful soul...I felt this sadness start to overwhelm me...and after a short while we just embraced each other and I felt like sobbing...I really did...but the tears wouldn't come...and so we just held onto each other...and I felt like I never wanted to let him go...
He saw me for the person that I am. He saw my soul and he reached out and touched it ever so gently. And through his embrace he told me...'It is OK to be loved'...
This particular experience was very strange for me...I didn't know how to accept it...so I had to just let it sit with me for the rest of the evening...It was lovely...so lovely and so loving...and I am extremely grateful for the experience...
For now I will wrap it up for this blog...I will perhaps write a bit more later...
Love and Light to all my dear friends in the universe...
I really was in la-la-land. I was in such a loving and peaceful space after I left and I felt very different. Jase asked me how my week at the 'hippy community' was and all I could say was that it was absolutely awesome and great...my voice in a dreamy kinda state. Jase asked what drugs I was on...hahhaa!!! I said I'm on a natural high...high on love and love of life :-)
And oh wow...I cannot even begin to describe my experience at Findhorn...I don't know where to start...what to share...
I never knew that one could fall in love so easily with a bunch of strangers. There were 10 others in my group, all on Experience Week and I love each and every one of them, not to mention our 2 'Focalisers' for the week, who were like our Guides.
It was a week of self-discovery and inner reflection. I learnt how to be more open and just allowing others to love me, and that it is okay to ask for help and to let others do things for me. I have been the kind of person to always look out for others, always be there for them, and I give and I give and I give...Yet I always find it difficult to receive from others...I kinda put up this wall, fooling myself that I am ok and that I don't need anything from anybody...
It's kinda like...I am always appearing to be 'OK' to other people...People always see me as happy, enjoying life, laughing, loving...but hardly anyone sees the cracks...the fragility that is me...but I am only human after all...
Being kind, gentle, caring and loving to other people comes naturally to me. I do not have to think twice about these things. Having these things reciprocated has always been difficult for me. I do not know why. I never used to take compliments very well at all. Laughing it off was the only way to deal with the embarassment which I felt if someone noticed something nice or good about me. But now, I am learning to accept these things and to say 'Thank you for noticing' whenever I receive a compliment :-) And in saying that, I acknowledge the good that others see in me.
I have received many compliments within the last two or so years, but the ones which stick most in my mind are 'You are a top girl' and 'You are a very attractive girl'. The second compliment especially has taken a while to sit comfortably with me...because I do doubt it...because I fail to see it...Though I do believe that attractiveness also accounted for personality when this compliment was made...
Perhaps I find these compliments difficult to accept because the people who I want to notice these qualities in me, appear to me not to notice these...this is what I came to realise last night...and so now that I have come to this realisation I can release it from within me...And I thank from the bottom of my heart my friends Billy and Owen for noticing these qualities in me :-)
The Findhorn Experience brought lots and lots of laughter and also lots and lots of tears. I thank my new and very much treasured friends from the Experience, and I thank them for sharing this part of my life journey with me...
There was one evening during an exercise when my soul was touched very deeply. This exercise involved just gazing into another's eyes and really noticing them, because it is said that the eyes are the window to the soul...In this exercise, after both parties felt ready to move on, they would gently squeeze each others hands and then link up with another person in the room.
My partner was Hugo (god bless his gentle gentle soul), and at first I was feeling a bit goofy having to stare into someone's eyes. It's not something I find comfortable doing...but after a short while the goofy grin on my face faded and I was left gazing into these beautiful eyes and into this beautiful beautiful soul...I felt this sadness start to overwhelm me...and after a short while we just embraced each other and I felt like sobbing...I really did...but the tears wouldn't come...and so we just held onto each other...and I felt like I never wanted to let him go...
He saw me for the person that I am. He saw my soul and he reached out and touched it ever so gently. And through his embrace he told me...'It is OK to be loved'...
This particular experience was very strange for me...I didn't know how to accept it...so I had to just let it sit with me for the rest of the evening...It was lovely...so lovely and so loving...and I am extremely grateful for the experience...
For now I will wrap it up for this blog...I will perhaps write a bit more later...
Love and Light to all my dear friends in the universe...
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