The Rugby

I wrote this after the Tri-Nations decider last weekend...

Despite the 26-12 defeat to the AB's yesterday, I was quite happy with the performance of our boys.

You see, almost EVERYBODY expects the AB's to win. They have this expectation that they should be winning every game because they are the best team in the world. I read an article that many of the Kiwi players were 'disgusted' at the loss to the Wallabies from the previous fortnight...Well, you know, if I was an AB supporter, Australia would be the team I would want to lose against if...lo-and-behold-if-heaven-forsakes that they would lose!!!

And so after the game, I smiled. I thought, well done to the AB's, but definitely better things are coming the Wallabies way :-) My personal opinion is that the AB's have plateaued for the World Cup. There is so much talk and them 'peaking too early'...but then again...they haven't really shown any peak this Tri Nations series...so maybe they do have something in the bag come World Cup time.

I guess a lesson for everybody is that one should never dismiss the AB's. They are the ones who can make something out of nothing and that is why they are currently the best team in the world!

As always, I am behind our boys all the way. And NZ has always been the team I barrack for if they are not playing the Wallabies...you know, neighbourly love and all :-) And so...I am looking forward to yet another semi-final showdown between these two great rugby nations come October ;-)

A Change is Coming...

I feel on a soul level that a change is coming...I don't know, it's just a feeling.

I am very excited yet a bit afraid at the same time. There is nothing to be afraid of I know...but I guess old habits die hard...

Quite a few things have happened in the past few weeks...maybe kinda like a light being switched on and a bit of a prod from divine powers that they are with me every step of the way...

Scottish things
I have booked myself in for a spiritual awareness week in Findhorn, Scotland in August. My soul calling for some time-out will be granted when I go there. Ever since I booked this in mid-June I have come across so many 'Scottish' incidences. I met up with Petra's workmates one weekend and 3 of them were from Scotland. Another time I was on the bus and I heard 2 girls talking - one in a Scottish accent! Then I spoke to a friend from another rugby club and she was going to Scotland during the Rugby World Cup to watch a game there. I didn't know that she had spent a year in Glasgow to learn English. And what is more, she told me she spent 5 months in Aberdeen, which is close to where Findhorn is!!! Then the other day the TV was on and I heard 'Scotland Yard'...

Rainbows
About 2 weeks ago I was thinking what I could draw for my SS. I decided to draw her a rainbow. Later that day Petra emailed me and told me that she saw a rainbow that morning :-) So I told her about my rainbow drawing :-) She then said that I had sent her a rainbow as a gift earlier that morning on Facebook...which I had totally forgotten about!!! How bad is my memory?!! So...3 rainbows in a day :-)

Sam
A few nights ago I dreamt about a friend from uni. Her name is Sam. I don't know her that well, but we did speak occasionally and we also have a mutual friend Diana. I dreamt that we were chatting and she told me she lived in 'Pam Hills' which was somewhere in Sydney in my dream. And in an instant, like in the blink of an eye, we found ourselves there. Before us stretched wild grass and beyond that a nice lake. Behind us were all these houses like in a housing estate. We chatted and all of a sudden I saw my school friend Bron's sister. She came and sat next to Sam and myself. I was wondering where my friend Bron was and then she appeared. It wasn't until I was writing this dream down in my journal that I realised I had 2 Sams in my dream because Bron's sister's name is Samantha also!!!

Chatting to Sze after I had this dream, she mentioned the medium which SS and I had gone to see a few years ago. Straight away I said...Oh yes, Sam Harding. And only then did I realise that was the third mention of 'Sam' within like 2 days of each other!!!

So I don't know what's with all that, but I think it's really cool :-)

Also within the last week I finally acknowledged to myself that although I still love a certain someone, I knew that I was no longer in love with him. That road has been very long and the path perhaps too worn. I felt a bit of sadness wash over me but we did have some really really good times which will always live on in my memories. Our relationship has tested my utmost strength and played on my weaknesses. It has brought me to great heights and also to the depths of my despair. Despite the strong bond that we once had, and the certainty I once felt, I feel that we missed our chance a long time ago - and so we must move on. I certainly do not regret the path that I have taken :-) It has strengthened my soul :-)

I felt a kind of release. And this time, despite me saying this numerous times before...I really am letting go :-) I realised that by letting go, I am free to love again and more importantly to allow myself to be loved. My angels keep whispering in my ear that there is someone out there who is more than I could have ever imagined or wanted. That he is waiting and that when I see him I will know. Perhaps it's just my wishful thinking :-) But I'd like to believe the angels on this one ;-p

So, bring on the change! ;-)

Motivation...

For the past 3 weeks my motivation levels at work have hit the lowest of low!!! I just cannot be facked to do anything!!! And ok, it was alright for a while because I had nothing major due, but now it's Reporting time again...and I am supposed to be up over my head with work...yet I sit here and can't get a push to start something. Ok...well, I do bits and pieces but nowhere near enough to what I should be doing!!! I think of all the work I must get through before my holiday at the end of this month and I just want to cry!!!

And despite me knowing how much I should be getting done, I play around on Facebook and write on my blog!!! Man, I haven't experienced procrastination like this since...since my university days when I had to study for exams or do an assignment!!!

Shit!! Where did the motivation disappear to?? Well, even if motivation doesn't kick in, I have time that will loom up like a freight train...and then I'll be sorry!!!

God can only help those who help themselves!!! ;-p

A Visit...

Shortly after my godbrother Ray passed away back in 1998, I had a visitation from him. People who have experienced a visitation will tell you that it is very distinct from a dream. It's like a dream except that it is so vivid and your senses are heightened and you just have this awareness. Well, that was my experience anyway.

I remember vividly how I was at his place and I went around to the back-yard with my brother. I was talking to my brother and all of a sudden I caught something from the corner of my eye. I turned around and saw this brilliant golden-orange glow reflecting off the fence. The next thing I remember was Ray coming up to by brother and I (we were standing side-by-side), and he put his arms around both of us and he said to me...'I am alright'.

There was so much love that I could feel in this 'dream'. It was just amazing. The whole experience was amazing. It stayed with me for a long time afterwards. And when I went to pray for his soul at the Nan Tien Temple in Parramatta, I saw the golden statue of the Enlightened One and the colour was exactly that which was in my dream.

I cannot remember much more detail right now as it has been 9 years since that time...and with time the memory fades a little :-)

I do not really know why I have written this now. Perhaps it has to do with my mum's Aunt passing away last week. She was 90-something and I think lived a very long and good life.

I am just thinking in my head how many people I know have passed over since I left Sydney. Firstly my grand-dad on my mum's side passed away the day I left Sydney. Then my grand-dad on my dad's side passed away 4 months later. I also remember my friend Simon's dad who passed away, and then an uncle of mine. And now my mum's aunt.

I am not afraid of death. It is part of the cycle of life and death and life again :-) Life is never-ending. We never cease to exist. We just change forms :-)

And so it is...

And so I have officially tendered my resignation from my current position here in Switzerland. When I went to hand in my resignation letter last Thursday and my boss asked me for the reason, I suddenly felt overwhelmed and actually burst into tears infront of my boss!!! I told her that the main reason was because I missed my family and friends too much...*sniff*...and she asked me jokingly if I really did miss them that much...and yes I do miss you guys that much :-)

I seriously did not expect to be so upset!!! But I couldn't control my emotions and the tears just came out!!! Now, I wasn't crying because I was resigning or sad to be leaving the company at the end of October. I think more than anything it was more relief. Relief because for a long time I knew the day would come. And when that time came, I knew that finally I would be heading home for good.

And so I have already made my plans to leave Switzerland. I will be leaving on November 12th, spend some time in Malaysia with my parents then spend a few days in Hong Kong whilst my parents fly back to Sydney :-) And I will be arriving home on my mum's birthday on November 24th :-) And then just chill out in December :-)

I communicated to my old boss in Sydney that when I figure out what I wish to do, then perhaps I will be in touch with him for any job opportunites. They have already told me to make sure I speak with them before I go job-hunting :-) Which is always reassuring!

Back in early April when I had already been thinking about leaving towards the end of the year, I wasn't sure whether or not I still wanted to work for the same company. At that stage I really had had enough and felt that I just needed a break. Then over the course of two months there were some changes in the Oz office and suddenly I thought...maybe I do want to work for them again! And I had been toying with the idea. Actually up until last night I still thought I had wanted to go back and work with my old boss. They are a great bunch of people to work with!!!

But something changed last night...

I realised that the only reasons I would go back to my old company would be for security purposes and for the people there. I know that I would probably get paid well and I would be more or less familiar with the work - or at least be able to pick things up pretty quickly.

But what do I love doing? What do I enjoy the most? What makes my heart and soul smile?? And the answer that came back to me, the answer that I have known all along, is to work with children.

I had this vision of working with kids and coaching them. I'm talking about primary school kids here! I remembered a time when I taught my godsister and godbrother some maths and I remembered how much they enjoyed it. My godsister reminds me about it from time to time and tells me how much fun it was and that she did learn something :-) I also have this vision of working with adults and helping them with their English.

And so I am going to ask for divine guidance to help me onto this path. I truly believe that if you do what you love then the money will follow...and so I should step out of my financial comfort zone and freefall. The rewards I am sure, will be greater than any measureable thing :-)