Ramblings & Ruggers

Sometimes my thoughts float to how things will be when I go home to Sydney. I know things will be different because I have changed in many ways. All my married girlfriends have their own agendas; one of my girlfriends will more than likely move to the Gong and another will most likely not be in Sydney when I return. So I think...will I make new friends? Will it be more about time with my family? And how much of that will I be able to tolerate...?? I think that it will be a time for me to discover more about myself in the place I escaped from for a little while - with no attachments, no commitments and a brand new slate. The only commitment I have to make is to myself and to live my life fully.

A few weeks ago lots of thoughts were floating around in my head. And for the first time in the 2.5 years that I have been away from Sydney, I actually didn't feel like going home. Some say that 2 years is the magic number to settle into a place...

It was a rather strange feeling for me. I felt very settled indeed with my life here. Aside from my job, I was very happy with everything else. My friends, where I live, my bestest flatmate in the whole wide universe :-) And just the easy-going lifestyle :-) I found myself very confused and not knowing what I should do. Lots of thoughts were floating around in my head..."Should I stay in Sydney? Well, I have to go home for Christmas! Maybe I can find a job here in Europe! I can get my CELTA and teach anywhere pretty much! Should I leave my things? Should I pack everything up? Should I close my bank account? Will I come back here? Maybe I will go and work in Dubai?! Or Vienna perhaps?! What is back in Sydney for me besides my family? My friends. Yeh. But everyone is doing their own things...I feel so removed from everything in ways. Things will be the same yet different...I don't know!!! What to do?! What to do?! God please help me!!!"

I woke up the next morning and I felt very calm. My first thought was..."Yes, I must go back to Sydney and then take things one step at a time. Time. There is plenty of it." And then I knew that I would be okay and that I needn't worry about things that have not happened yet :-)

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Some days I feel quite removed from my wonderful Findhorn experience. It's been 5 weeks since that time. It almost feels like it was just a dream...so long ago...But at least I will see my friend Hugo in 2 weeks, so that should lift my spirits once again into the clouds :-) We will be attending this workshop by one of the founding members of Findhorn (Dorothy Maclean), which will be here in Switzerland!! The workshop is called Connecting with God and Nature. So I think perhaps it is something which I will need...and the timing is perfect...just to remind me again of how much in alignment with God I can be :-)

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The previous weekend I was in Cardiff with Petra and Christa. It was such a bloody awesome weekend!! In ways I wish I had written a blog about it as soon as I got home as I was still whirling from the magic that was being in Cardiff during the Rugby World Cup!!! Most of it has rubbed off now, so it'll probably be a boring account from me!!! Sorry!!! :-)

Yeh so being in Cardiff during the Rugby World Cup was just the best!!! It's one thing to watch the RWC when it is playing in your home town, but it really is something else when you go to support your team abroad!!! There were sooooooo many Aussies out and about in Cardiff that one gentleman commented "Are there any Aussies left in Australia?!" :-) I just had to grin stupidly at the comment. Actually, all weekend I had a silly wide grin on my face :-) The atmosphere on the Saturday just blew me away...

We stumbled upon a bar called "Kiwi's" and I felt a bit awkward at first being surrounded by all the AB supporters!!! But then we moved along a bit and found another entrance to the same place...and we came upon Jane and Nick from Adelaide!!! Hooray!! And also Simon from Canterbury NZ!!! :-) Tell you what, Jane and Nick were so cool!!! :-) I'm so glad we met them because we had such a great time before and after the match!!! We must've met the coolest bunch of people in Cardiff that day :-)

The experience of being in Cardiff, watching rugby, watching the Wallabies, watching them beat Wales and silencing the 40-thousand-plus Welsh crowd...was just bloody awesome mate!!! :-)

The next day the streets were dead. I couldn't quite believe it!!! Where did all the people go overnight?!!! But anyway we still had our fun and the real bonus was meeting some of the Fijian players in Kiwi's bar after their game against Canada!!! Ruggers are so nice and big and strong and muscly in all the right places ;-p I'm gonna get myself a rugger ;-p hahha...

Fighting for Love

Some time ago I was speaking to a friend of mine. We were talking about our past relationships and about soul mates. He told me about his ex and how he realised that she was the one for him, but how she was with someone else now and living in another country.

I asked him if he had told her this and he said yes. I then asked him why he didn't go after her. He said that she was loyal and would not leave her current boyfriend.

Back then I believed in fighting for love. I couldn't figure out why, if you loved somebody that much, why you wouldn't go after them?? I thought, if I were that girl, I would want somebody who loved me that much to fight for me...it would be courageous...romantic...

And now, as I stand where my friend had stood, I understand why he did what he did. I think that true love cannot be fought for. Fighting and love do not go together no matter what anyone says.

I believe that to truly love and be immersed in love, one must surrender and let things be...